Sleep Journal - 190214 - Fairge Anma
Feb. 24th, 2019 12:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kimurhoSleep Journal
14 February 2019
Joe caught himself up, jerking upright and looking around with panic. His gaze fell on me and stopped. He began to babble, one word following another without pause or breath.
"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm really really sorry I would never have I didn't know I didn't know it would scare you like that I didn't mean to hurt you."
He took step toward me, then another, his hand raising up. Reaching.
I drew myself up, at ready, raising my own hands. Just in case.
Craig cleared his throat, reminding me ... us ... that he was there in the room, as well. I risked a glance in his direction. Would he take sides if it came to another attack. And whose side would he take? It seemed logical that he would support his fellow worker.
Craig stood at the doorway, just inside. As far as I could tell, he hadn't moved further into the room than through the barrier.
Joe stood at the far end of the table. Opposite me. There was no way out. Except the windows. All this took mere seconds, even so, it took me hearbeat to understand he was replying to Joe. Defending me.
"You grabbed her pretty hard."
Joe turned quickly toward him. "But I didn't mean it. And she hit me! Did you see that? She hit me in the balls, man!" he said, appealing to masculine fellow-feeling. He seemed to think that my hitting him justified what his grabbing of me in the first place.
Craig apparently did not agree. Cold and unmoved, he replied, "After you attacked her."
"But she was laughing at us!" Joe added, throwing out one hand, arm rigid, pointing in my direction. His face and attention were still fixed on Craig, the authority to which he was appealing. "She promised to create a threshold that would hold against anyone and it didn't work."
"Didn't it?" Craig demanded.
"I walked right through like it wasn't there."
I decided it was time my voice was heard. "After your friend invited you in."
Joe dropped his arm and spun around to face me again, scowling. "What are you talking about? Nikki did no such thing!"
I met his gaze squarely. Calmly. Well, with the appearance of calm. I kept my hands flat on the top of the table to hide the trembling I couldn't control. It would not be wise to let them, either of them, see that I feared. I waited.
Joe's face blanked. He lowered his gaze, eyes moving rapidly back and forth as he reviewed memories of the recent past. Then he winced and covered his face with his hand. Voice muffled, he exclaimed, "She did. She so totally did." And then he added, with a heartfelt groan, "Nikki, you idiot!"
Dropping his hand again, expression quizzical, he relaxed his posture and looked around, searching. "Speaking of which, where is Nikki?"
"She ran out when you got yourself encased in carbonite. Which was pretty cool, by the way. Justine and Mrs. Logan are looking for her."
"It was pretty weird," Joe said. "I couldn't move anything except my eyeballs, and after she dropped down, I couldn't even see her, but I could hear everything and ..." He looked at me again, urgently, pleadingly, "I am really really sorry. I would never ever have made any kind of threat if I had known. Honest. My mother raised me better than that."
I was dumbfounded. "You realize that you're saying it was my fault for not telling you my life's story?" I asked slowly.
He was offended by the observation. "No! I don't mean that at all. I'm just saying, if I had known, I would have been ... I dunno. Less threatening. Nicer. And it was all Nikki's idea in the first place. She thought that since she was a girl, she might be able to ... you know ..." He made a twirling motion with his hand. "Magic up the doorway."
Granny had called that 'the Adam defense'. Deflection of guilt by putting all the blame on the nearest female. Brother Calum had not been amused, but, as Granny pointed out, he was male and the defense originated with the Church.
Reminded once again of what had been done, forgetting any sense of guilt or responsibility, Joe turned toward the door. "So it did work then?" he asked Craig. "I mean, we did keep you and JJ and Dr. Monaghan all out of the room? Just like she said it would?"
"And Justine, too," Craig said. He gave a soft chuckle. "You should have seen the look on her face when she bounced off the force-field."
A corner of Joe's mouth twisted up. "Man, I'm sorry I missed it." He addressed me again. "So you're a witch?"
I was tired. My brain wasn't working properly which meant I was relying on the remnants of the translation spell to understand a lot of what they were saying. The word I heard was buitseach. Buitseach stores luck in staffs to use later. He was buitseachd, using his rod to raise magics foul and fetid.
"No."
Craig was watching me. I could feel is steady regard. I wanted to believe in him but I was too tired. Soon ... I had over-extended myself. If I did not get out of here soon, I would be .... Was he waiting for that moment? Was he just biding his time until I collapsed?
No, no. That was my fear talking. Craig ...
Joe interrupted my thoughts. "But you can do magic. Just ..." He twirled one hand in the air and flicked it forward with an exhalation of air, " .., abracadabra! Magic."
"I don't use a ... " I was having trouble concentrating. The words were not coming to me. " ... bod? ... slat? Wand! I don't depend on a wand. I had hoped to be ... eòlasair." I frowned in concentration. "I can't think of the word. But so far, I was just obag." They did not look enlightened. "I was learning laws and limits, how to help people by nudging nature, not ... subverting it. Druidheachd, tha fios 'ad, not buitseachd." A word came to mind, I grasped it, offered it up. "Wizard. I wanted to be a wizard."
"That's a man," Joe insisted. "The feminine is witch."
I was so tired. Weary. It was getting harder to focus. Most of my attention was fixed on Joe; he had attacked me twice now, forcing me to defend myself, I had no assurance he would not attempt it a third time. What remained was keeping track of Craig. So I was not aware of Doctor Monaghan joining us until he spoke.
"Joe, when you do any of what Sarah ... Miss Farris has done, then you can correct her terminology." He seemed to imply that at some future time, Joe would be allowed to offer such corrections with impunity.
He stood in the outer office, just beyond the frame of the door to the inner room. Behind Craig. He was looking at Joe but I wasn't fooled; I knew he was studying me. If Craig reminded me of ... of him ... as he appeared when first I met him; Dr. Monaghan on his own ground was like to him after. After I lost all that I love.
Joe mumbled a half-hearted apology directed at Dr. Monaghan. Dr. Monaghan accepted it as his due.
"Do you suppose you could take this ... " Dr. Monaghan twirled one hand, ending with an open palm up directed to the pages of runes taped to the window beside the door. "... down?"
"Oh! Yeah! Sure!" Joe hurried over and reached for the page containing the rune of the thorn, grabbing it by the bottom edge. Nikki had attached it with a single strip of tape.
Dr. Monaghan directed his next words towards me.
"Forgive me, Miss Farris, but we are not familiar with the distinctions or the words you used. What is the difference, in your opinion, between a witch and a wizard? Not gender, I assume. And what do you mean by the words ... " he glanced down at a pad of paper he held. "Droyic-ha-fiset? Bootcheck? And the others?" He looked down again, reading what was written there. "Ah yes, yolaser and obic."
Joe tugged the page on which the rune was scribed and his fingers slipped through the paper and away. The rune-spell remained. The motion attracted Dr. Monaghan's attention; he frowned at the hapless young man.
Joe gave a sheepish laugh, shrugging in apology. "My fingers slipped." He tried again, this time under the scrutiny of both Dr. Monaghan and Craig. He took hold of the page on the upper edge, pulled it out toward him with the same result. The page remained posted beside the doorway, denying Dr. Monaghan entry.
Joe stared down at his empty hand with a look of complete bewilderment.
"I could have sworn I had it then."
"You did." Craig affirmed. "You had it both times."
"Why don't you try?" Dr. Monaghan suggested. Craig looked up at him, startled.
"Me? Why would I have more success than Joe here?" He glanced over at me. I shrugged. Giving a breathy sort of laugh, he smiled at me and shrugged back. Then he took hold of the paper on the sides with both hands and carefully lifted it up and away from the rest of the pages. "See it ..." Then he looked down at the sheet in his hand. "I did it." He didn't sound as though he believed he had. He looked up at me, his expression almost blank. "How did I do it? How could I remove the spell ... " A thought came to him. He spun around to look at Dr. Monaghan still standing on the wrong side of the threshold.
"Is the spell removed?"
"If you'll move out of the way," Dr. Monaghan suggested, a chuckle rumbling in his chest, "we'll know."
"Right!" Craig stepped to one side, remaining between me and the other two men. I took what comfort I could from that.
As Dr. Monaghan entered the room, he clapped Craig on the shoulder and murmured something that caused Craig to stiffen and look annoyed.
Dr. Monaghan turned to the left, making his way to the far end of the table. He stopped there and faced me. "Sarah ... May I call you Sarah?" I watched him warily. He cleared his throat. "Miss Farris, then. Craig ... Dr. Stevenson asked a most excellent question. How was it that he could removed the spell which neither you nor Joe could? Would you care to explain?"
Not really. Especially not the easy part. I couldn't remove the spell because I didn't want it gone. I felt safe ... safer with it in place. Intent and will and concentration, all necessary for the successful working of luck. None present at the moment.
As for Craig ... Dr. Stevenson ...
I kept some part of my attention on Dr. Monaghan while I turned my gaze to Craig.
"Miss Farris?" Dr. Monaghan prompted. I raised my hand, palm out, silently asking for a moment.
"You have asked a great number of questions of me, Dr. Monaghan. Questions that could take more time than we have today. Which do you want answered?"
"Ahhh.... I see. I didn't realize there was a limit to the information you are willing to share." There was a barb in that statement, a twist of a suggestion that had Craig looking thoughtful and Joe confused. It did not touch me directly; it could not. Information always comes at a price.
"I would most like to understand about the ... callage groyan you erected at the doorway to my conference room. How it was formed and why Dr. Stevenson was able to affect it and Joe Gowan could not."
I looked around at the room, studying it and the furniture within.
"What is this room used for?" I asked. Dr. Monaghan called it a conference room ... his conference room ... and the long table and many chairs supported the first part of that claim; but it was more than that. Cases of shelves lined the walls, rising up to the ceiling on the far side, low ones under the innner window. Some jam-packed with books and binders, other holding oddments and devices of various sorts. There were a couple of computer desks against the outer wall, between the tall windows. A cube refrigerator hummed in a corner to one side behind me.
"This is where the entire group meets when we have things to discuss," Dr. Monaghan answered. "When we plan our projects or report on their progress."
"So ... you all use it? Occasionally?"
Craig stepped forward, shaking his head. "More than occasionally. It's our breakroom. Some of us eat lunch in here everyday. We come in here when we need someplace to spread out. Sometimes we have parties in here." He shrugged. "I use this room to fix stuff, electronics."
"Then it's a common room," I concluded, nodding as facts slotted into place. "What it is not is a room unique to the chi... to your interns."
"It is not," Dr. Monaghan agreed.
Joe disagreed. "We use this room. This is where we work."
"The lass ... the intern Nikki claimed this room as her own," I said slowly, working to put my thoughts into words. "Absent of that claiming, she and ... and Joe are equal in status." I frowned, status wasn't quite right. "Comas. Authority. Power." A word occurred to me, one I'd heard him use in a similar way.
"Puissance." I remembered it because it was a word in one of the languages of this the World and I had to look it up to find what he meant by it. Apparently not in the language of this part of this the World because Joe reacted. Loudly. Jolting me out of my thoughts.
"In WHAT?"
"Power," Craig said softly. "Now shut up. You've caused enough trouble today."
"Me! She's the one who caused the trouble."
"That's enough Joe," Dr. Monaghan said firmly. "Go answer the phone." Until he spoke, I hadn't been aware of the distant ringing. Grumbling, Joe went to obey. Dr. Monaghan nodded, saying, "Please. Go on, Miss Farris."
"When Nikki was defined as belonging to the room, I added my ... power to what she already possessed as an intern belonging to this office. To the group. That raised her ..." I paused, considering. It wasn't quite the word I wanted, but it was close. "... status above that of Joe's. I increased her puissance. When she invited Joe in ..." I paused again, cocking my head to the side. "It was more as if she ordered him in," I mused. That felt right.
Joe returned in time to hear this.
"She didn't order me to do anything. She just told me to come in." Craig and Dr. Monaghan both glared at him. He blinked, shrugged. "What?"
"The phone?" Dr. Monaghan prompted.
"That was Justine. She and Mrs. Logan are coming back. They think Nikki went home. She's not in the building. Mrs. Logan isn't feeling well."
"Why'd she call the office phone?" Craig asked. "She could have called our mobiles." He glanced at Dr. Monaghan as he said this and amended it to, "Mine, at least."
"She didn't say. Just said what I told you and that was it."
"Thank you," Dr. Monaghan said tightly. "Now if you could both be silent so Miss Farris can continue?" It sounded like a request but it held the force of an order. Joe stepped over to the table, pulled out a chair and plopped down, making him the only one of the four of us sitting. Dr. Monaghan frowned at him in silent chastisement, but the young man didn't notice.
With a sigh that was more like a prayer for patience, Dr. Monaghan turned his attention to me once more. "As you were saying, Miss Farris?"
I took a few minutes more to collect my scattered thoughts again. "Your interns are the least of your people." Joe stiffened and would have protested except Craig stepped quickly behind him and set a heavy hand on the younger man's shoulder, silencing him. "Dr. Monaghan, you are in this group the ... tighearna ... ceann ..." Fog was filling my head. Words in the language of this the World were coming less readily to the fore and I had to rely on my own memory. I closed my eyes, briefly, in a vain attempt to focus. "Chieftain?"
"I think leader is the word you want," Craig supplied. I nodded my thanks to him, grabbing at the suggestion as though it were a line thrown to me drowning in an unruly sea. "I'd never noticed you had an accent before," he said softly, our eyes meeting. I shrugged, somewhat apologetically but made no response. I looked again to Dr. Monaghan.
"You are the leader of this group. You have the greatest authority within and you belong to this office in a way that none other does. Dr. Stevenson is one of your ... His authority is lesser than yours, but still great. Therefore, his belonging of this room surpasses hers even with increase my influence supplied to hers. His puissance superceded hers and his will prevailed."
"Except that he could not enter the room to begin with," Dr. Monaghan replied. "Nor, for that matter, could I. By your explanation, our authority should have allowed us entry."
That wasn't a question. I waited.
"Would you care to explain?"
"No."
Dr. Monaghan's expression darkened. "Miss Farris, this is not a joke."
"No, it isn't. I don't find anything funny about what has happened here today. Every answer I give will lead to another question and I have answered as much as I feel comfortable answering at this time." I paused, unsure if I should continue. But Dr. Monaghan was not my master. Not my lord. And I was too tired to care if I offended him.
"You seem to think I owe you something."
"Yes, I do. You came into my office and interferred with my interns. So, yes I think you do owe us an explanation for what happened here today."
I shook my head solemnly.
"I came to this office openly to talk with Dr. Stevenson. I wanted ..." I stopped myself. What I wanted I couldn't bring up now. I couldn't think straight right now. I'd make a mess of it.
More of a mess of it.
"It doesn't matter what I wanted. I was here peacefully and legitimately. I found your interns here playing games with things they did not understand. I offered my assistance and as a result of that charity of thought, I was attacked without provocation. Twice." I wanted to emphasize that, so I repeated myself. "I offered your people no insult or threat and yet violence was offered to me as a result."
"I apologized!" Joe protested. He twisted out from under Craig's heavy hand and tried to stand.
"Words," I said wearily. "Mere words. You feel no responsibility for what was done here. You think you can justify your actions. The only thing you regret was that I was able to defend myself so well."
"That's not true!"
"Yes it is, Joe," Craig answered. He took a deep breath, squaring his shoulders. "On behalf of the Parapsychology Group, I sincerely apologize for this ... ," he spared a look of condemnation for Joe, "... idiot junior member of the group. I hope you can forgive us."
I held myself still. I owed Craig an apology and more but I wasn't sure that he had sufficient control over the intern. I glanced over at Dr. Monaghan, who was watching us all with an air of impatience.
"Do you think I need to apologize as well?" he demanded when my gaze intersected his.
"No. I want an assurance that I can leave the office right now. And that if I decide to return at some more propitious time, I will not be attacked."
I looked at Craig, letting some of my troubled thoughts show. "Apologies are well and good but they don't ... they don't do anything!" I shook my head. "If they aren't backed by a sincere attempt to make a change, they are not worth the breath it takes to make them."
I glanced around at Dr. Monaghan, then Joe, and ended meeting Craig's gaze again. "I would like to leave now. Please."
Craig nodded grimly. "All right." He seemed much older than the affable young man I'd met in class ... was it only a six weeks ago? He stepped in front of Joe and jerked his head toward the door. "Come on. I'll escort you out."
My backpack was over near Dr. Monaghan. Bracing myself, I went over to retrieve it. He reached out a hand, drawing it back when I flinched away. I retreated to the other end of the table and paused there, hugging my back to me like a shield, looking from him to Craig and back to him.
"Miss Farris ... Sarah ... I deeply regret that you were frightened here today," Dr. Monaghan said softly. "I hope that you will find the courage to return."
"I have to go now."
Craig had somehow moved Joe away from the door, opening a passage for me. I quickly hurried over and out, flashing a quick smile as I passed. The outer office was still empty, although Craig followed me out, watching me leave. As I approached Mrs. Logan's desk, I smelled something nasty. Foetid. A dead mouse, perhaps. Nothing big, anyway, and I forgot about it as soon as I passed out of range.
In the hallway, I heard voices, saw Mrs. Logan and the woman Justine. I turned the other way and took the fire stairs.
Maybe I should have told them about the vision I'd had, the message from the old man in the cathedral. It would have led to more questions. For people who study inntinn-eòlas ... parasciences ... they didn't seem to understand as much as I thought they would. I don't have much facility for roimh-eòlas, knowing what is to come, but the feeling was growing within me that they needed me. Needed my training. More than I needed them.
But not now. I was at the end of my resources. I needed food. Energy. Sleep. I paused in the stairwell, holding tight to the handrail as I swayed, eyes closed. Sleep. I just had to hold it together until I got home. Maybe when I woke again, I'd be braver.
14 February 2019
Joe caught himself up, jerking upright and looking around with panic. His gaze fell on me and stopped. He began to babble, one word following another without pause or breath.
"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm really really sorry I would never have I didn't know I didn't know it would scare you like that I didn't mean to hurt you."
He took step toward me, then another, his hand raising up. Reaching.
I drew myself up, at ready, raising my own hands. Just in case.
Craig cleared his throat, reminding me ... us ... that he was there in the room, as well. I risked a glance in his direction. Would he take sides if it came to another attack. And whose side would he take? It seemed logical that he would support his fellow worker.
Craig stood at the doorway, just inside. As far as I could tell, he hadn't moved further into the room than through the barrier.
Joe stood at the far end of the table. Opposite me. There was no way out. Except the windows. All this took mere seconds, even so, it took me hearbeat to understand he was replying to Joe. Defending me.
"You grabbed her pretty hard."
Joe turned quickly toward him. "But I didn't mean it. And she hit me! Did you see that? She hit me in the balls, man!" he said, appealing to masculine fellow-feeling. He seemed to think that my hitting him justified what his grabbing of me in the first place.
Craig apparently did not agree. Cold and unmoved, he replied, "After you attacked her."
"But she was laughing at us!" Joe added, throwing out one hand, arm rigid, pointing in my direction. His face and attention were still fixed on Craig, the authority to which he was appealing. "She promised to create a threshold that would hold against anyone and it didn't work."
"Didn't it?" Craig demanded.
"I walked right through like it wasn't there."
I decided it was time my voice was heard. "After your friend invited you in."
Joe dropped his arm and spun around to face me again, scowling. "What are you talking about? Nikki did no such thing!"
I met his gaze squarely. Calmly. Well, with the appearance of calm. I kept my hands flat on the top of the table to hide the trembling I couldn't control. It would not be wise to let them, either of them, see that I feared. I waited.
Joe's face blanked. He lowered his gaze, eyes moving rapidly back and forth as he reviewed memories of the recent past. Then he winced and covered his face with his hand. Voice muffled, he exclaimed, "She did. She so totally did." And then he added, with a heartfelt groan, "Nikki, you idiot!"
Dropping his hand again, expression quizzical, he relaxed his posture and looked around, searching. "Speaking of which, where is Nikki?"
"She ran out when you got yourself encased in carbonite. Which was pretty cool, by the way. Justine and Mrs. Logan are looking for her."
"It was pretty weird," Joe said. "I couldn't move anything except my eyeballs, and after she dropped down, I couldn't even see her, but I could hear everything and ..." He looked at me again, urgently, pleadingly, "I am really really sorry. I would never ever have made any kind of threat if I had known. Honest. My mother raised me better than that."
I was dumbfounded. "You realize that you're saying it was my fault for not telling you my life's story?" I asked slowly.
He was offended by the observation. "No! I don't mean that at all. I'm just saying, if I had known, I would have been ... I dunno. Less threatening. Nicer. And it was all Nikki's idea in the first place. She thought that since she was a girl, she might be able to ... you know ..." He made a twirling motion with his hand. "Magic up the doorway."
Granny had called that 'the Adam defense'. Deflection of guilt by putting all the blame on the nearest female. Brother Calum had not been amused, but, as Granny pointed out, he was male and the defense originated with the Church.
Reminded once again of what had been done, forgetting any sense of guilt or responsibility, Joe turned toward the door. "So it did work then?" he asked Craig. "I mean, we did keep you and JJ and Dr. Monaghan all out of the room? Just like she said it would?"
"And Justine, too," Craig said. He gave a soft chuckle. "You should have seen the look on her face when she bounced off the force-field."
A corner of Joe's mouth twisted up. "Man, I'm sorry I missed it." He addressed me again. "So you're a witch?"
I was tired. My brain wasn't working properly which meant I was relying on the remnants of the translation spell to understand a lot of what they were saying. The word I heard was buitseach. Buitseach stores luck in staffs to use later. He was buitseachd, using his rod to raise magics foul and fetid.
"No."
Craig was watching me. I could feel is steady regard. I wanted to believe in him but I was too tired. Soon ... I had over-extended myself. If I did not get out of here soon, I would be .... Was he waiting for that moment? Was he just biding his time until I collapsed?
No, no. That was my fear talking. Craig ...
Joe interrupted my thoughts. "But you can do magic. Just ..." He twirled one hand in the air and flicked it forward with an exhalation of air, " .., abracadabra! Magic."
"I don't use a ... " I was having trouble concentrating. The words were not coming to me. " ... bod? ... slat? Wand! I don't depend on a wand. I had hoped to be ... eòlasair." I frowned in concentration. "I can't think of the word. But so far, I was just obag." They did not look enlightened. "I was learning laws and limits, how to help people by nudging nature, not ... subverting it. Druidheachd, tha fios 'ad, not buitseachd." A word came to mind, I grasped it, offered it up. "Wizard. I wanted to be a wizard."
"That's a man," Joe insisted. "The feminine is witch."
I was so tired. Weary. It was getting harder to focus. Most of my attention was fixed on Joe; he had attacked me twice now, forcing me to defend myself, I had no assurance he would not attempt it a third time. What remained was keeping track of Craig. So I was not aware of Doctor Monaghan joining us until he spoke.
"Joe, when you do any of what Sarah ... Miss Farris has done, then you can correct her terminology." He seemed to imply that at some future time, Joe would be allowed to offer such corrections with impunity.
He stood in the outer office, just beyond the frame of the door to the inner room. Behind Craig. He was looking at Joe but I wasn't fooled; I knew he was studying me. If Craig reminded me of ... of him ... as he appeared when first I met him; Dr. Monaghan on his own ground was like to him after. After I lost all that I love.
Joe mumbled a half-hearted apology directed at Dr. Monaghan. Dr. Monaghan accepted it as his due.
"Do you suppose you could take this ... " Dr. Monaghan twirled one hand, ending with an open palm up directed to the pages of runes taped to the window beside the door. "... down?"
"Oh! Yeah! Sure!" Joe hurried over and reached for the page containing the rune of the thorn, grabbing it by the bottom edge. Nikki had attached it with a single strip of tape.
Dr. Monaghan directed his next words towards me.
"Forgive me, Miss Farris, but we are not familiar with the distinctions or the words you used. What is the difference, in your opinion, between a witch and a wizard? Not gender, I assume. And what do you mean by the words ... " he glanced down at a pad of paper he held. "Droyic-ha-fiset? Bootcheck? And the others?" He looked down again, reading what was written there. "Ah yes, yolaser and obic."
Joe tugged the page on which the rune was scribed and his fingers slipped through the paper and away. The rune-spell remained. The motion attracted Dr. Monaghan's attention; he frowned at the hapless young man.
Joe gave a sheepish laugh, shrugging in apology. "My fingers slipped." He tried again, this time under the scrutiny of both Dr. Monaghan and Craig. He took hold of the page on the upper edge, pulled it out toward him with the same result. The page remained posted beside the doorway, denying Dr. Monaghan entry.
Joe stared down at his empty hand with a look of complete bewilderment.
"I could have sworn I had it then."
"You did." Craig affirmed. "You had it both times."
"Why don't you try?" Dr. Monaghan suggested. Craig looked up at him, startled.
"Me? Why would I have more success than Joe here?" He glanced over at me. I shrugged. Giving a breathy sort of laugh, he smiled at me and shrugged back. Then he took hold of the paper on the sides with both hands and carefully lifted it up and away from the rest of the pages. "See it ..." Then he looked down at the sheet in his hand. "I did it." He didn't sound as though he believed he had. He looked up at me, his expression almost blank. "How did I do it? How could I remove the spell ... " A thought came to him. He spun around to look at Dr. Monaghan still standing on the wrong side of the threshold.
"Is the spell removed?"
"If you'll move out of the way," Dr. Monaghan suggested, a chuckle rumbling in his chest, "we'll know."
"Right!" Craig stepped to one side, remaining between me and the other two men. I took what comfort I could from that.
As Dr. Monaghan entered the room, he clapped Craig on the shoulder and murmured something that caused Craig to stiffen and look annoyed.
Dr. Monaghan turned to the left, making his way to the far end of the table. He stopped there and faced me. "Sarah ... May I call you Sarah?" I watched him warily. He cleared his throat. "Miss Farris, then. Craig ... Dr. Stevenson asked a most excellent question. How was it that he could removed the spell which neither you nor Joe could? Would you care to explain?"
Not really. Especially not the easy part. I couldn't remove the spell because I didn't want it gone. I felt safe ... safer with it in place. Intent and will and concentration, all necessary for the successful working of luck. None present at the moment.
As for Craig ... Dr. Stevenson ...
I kept some part of my attention on Dr. Monaghan while I turned my gaze to Craig.
"Miss Farris?" Dr. Monaghan prompted. I raised my hand, palm out, silently asking for a moment.
"You have asked a great number of questions of me, Dr. Monaghan. Questions that could take more time than we have today. Which do you want answered?"
"Ahhh.... I see. I didn't realize there was a limit to the information you are willing to share." There was a barb in that statement, a twist of a suggestion that had Craig looking thoughtful and Joe confused. It did not touch me directly; it could not. Information always comes at a price.
"I would most like to understand about the ... callage groyan you erected at the doorway to my conference room. How it was formed and why Dr. Stevenson was able to affect it and Joe Gowan could not."
I looked around at the room, studying it and the furniture within.
"What is this room used for?" I asked. Dr. Monaghan called it a conference room ... his conference room ... and the long table and many chairs supported the first part of that claim; but it was more than that. Cases of shelves lined the walls, rising up to the ceiling on the far side, low ones under the innner window. Some jam-packed with books and binders, other holding oddments and devices of various sorts. There were a couple of computer desks against the outer wall, between the tall windows. A cube refrigerator hummed in a corner to one side behind me.
"This is where the entire group meets when we have things to discuss," Dr. Monaghan answered. "When we plan our projects or report on their progress."
"So ... you all use it? Occasionally?"
Craig stepped forward, shaking his head. "More than occasionally. It's our breakroom. Some of us eat lunch in here everyday. We come in here when we need someplace to spread out. Sometimes we have parties in here." He shrugged. "I use this room to fix stuff, electronics."
"Then it's a common room," I concluded, nodding as facts slotted into place. "What it is not is a room unique to the chi... to your interns."
"It is not," Dr. Monaghan agreed.
Joe disagreed. "We use this room. This is where we work."
"The lass ... the intern Nikki claimed this room as her own," I said slowly, working to put my thoughts into words. "Absent of that claiming, she and ... and Joe are equal in status." I frowned, status wasn't quite right. "Comas. Authority. Power." A word occurred to me, one I'd heard him use in a similar way.
"Puissance." I remembered it because it was a word in one of the languages of this the World and I had to look it up to find what he meant by it. Apparently not in the language of this part of this the World because Joe reacted. Loudly. Jolting me out of my thoughts.
"In WHAT?"
"Power," Craig said softly. "Now shut up. You've caused enough trouble today."
"Me! She's the one who caused the trouble."
"That's enough Joe," Dr. Monaghan said firmly. "Go answer the phone." Until he spoke, I hadn't been aware of the distant ringing. Grumbling, Joe went to obey. Dr. Monaghan nodded, saying, "Please. Go on, Miss Farris."
"When Nikki was defined as belonging to the room, I added my ... power to what she already possessed as an intern belonging to this office. To the group. That raised her ..." I paused, considering. It wasn't quite the word I wanted, but it was close. "... status above that of Joe's. I increased her puissance. When she invited Joe in ..." I paused again, cocking my head to the side. "It was more as if she ordered him in," I mused. That felt right.
Joe returned in time to hear this.
"She didn't order me to do anything. She just told me to come in." Craig and Dr. Monaghan both glared at him. He blinked, shrugged. "What?"
"The phone?" Dr. Monaghan prompted.
"That was Justine. She and Mrs. Logan are coming back. They think Nikki went home. She's not in the building. Mrs. Logan isn't feeling well."
"Why'd she call the office phone?" Craig asked. "She could have called our mobiles." He glanced at Dr. Monaghan as he said this and amended it to, "Mine, at least."
"She didn't say. Just said what I told you and that was it."
"Thank you," Dr. Monaghan said tightly. "Now if you could both be silent so Miss Farris can continue?" It sounded like a request but it held the force of an order. Joe stepped over to the table, pulled out a chair and plopped down, making him the only one of the four of us sitting. Dr. Monaghan frowned at him in silent chastisement, but the young man didn't notice.
With a sigh that was more like a prayer for patience, Dr. Monaghan turned his attention to me once more. "As you were saying, Miss Farris?"
I took a few minutes more to collect my scattered thoughts again. "Your interns are the least of your people." Joe stiffened and would have protested except Craig stepped quickly behind him and set a heavy hand on the younger man's shoulder, silencing him. "Dr. Monaghan, you are in this group the ... tighearna ... ceann ..." Fog was filling my head. Words in the language of this the World were coming less readily to the fore and I had to rely on my own memory. I closed my eyes, briefly, in a vain attempt to focus. "Chieftain?"
"I think leader is the word you want," Craig supplied. I nodded my thanks to him, grabbing at the suggestion as though it were a line thrown to me drowning in an unruly sea. "I'd never noticed you had an accent before," he said softly, our eyes meeting. I shrugged, somewhat apologetically but made no response. I looked again to Dr. Monaghan.
"You are the leader of this group. You have the greatest authority within and you belong to this office in a way that none other does. Dr. Stevenson is one of your ... His authority is lesser than yours, but still great. Therefore, his belonging of this room surpasses hers even with increase my influence supplied to hers. His puissance superceded hers and his will prevailed."
"Except that he could not enter the room to begin with," Dr. Monaghan replied. "Nor, for that matter, could I. By your explanation, our authority should have allowed us entry."
That wasn't a question. I waited.
"Would you care to explain?"
"No."
Dr. Monaghan's expression darkened. "Miss Farris, this is not a joke."
"No, it isn't. I don't find anything funny about what has happened here today. Every answer I give will lead to another question and I have answered as much as I feel comfortable answering at this time." I paused, unsure if I should continue. But Dr. Monaghan was not my master. Not my lord. And I was too tired to care if I offended him.
"You seem to think I owe you something."
"Yes, I do. You came into my office and interferred with my interns. So, yes I think you do owe us an explanation for what happened here today."
I shook my head solemnly.
"I came to this office openly to talk with Dr. Stevenson. I wanted ..." I stopped myself. What I wanted I couldn't bring up now. I couldn't think straight right now. I'd make a mess of it.
More of a mess of it.
"It doesn't matter what I wanted. I was here peacefully and legitimately. I found your interns here playing games with things they did not understand. I offered my assistance and as a result of that charity of thought, I was attacked without provocation. Twice." I wanted to emphasize that, so I repeated myself. "I offered your people no insult or threat and yet violence was offered to me as a result."
"I apologized!" Joe protested. He twisted out from under Craig's heavy hand and tried to stand.
"Words," I said wearily. "Mere words. You feel no responsibility for what was done here. You think you can justify your actions. The only thing you regret was that I was able to defend myself so well."
"That's not true!"
"Yes it is, Joe," Craig answered. He took a deep breath, squaring his shoulders. "On behalf of the Parapsychology Group, I sincerely apologize for this ... ," he spared a look of condemnation for Joe, "... idiot junior member of the group. I hope you can forgive us."
I held myself still. I owed Craig an apology and more but I wasn't sure that he had sufficient control over the intern. I glanced over at Dr. Monaghan, who was watching us all with an air of impatience.
"Do you think I need to apologize as well?" he demanded when my gaze intersected his.
"No. I want an assurance that I can leave the office right now. And that if I decide to return at some more propitious time, I will not be attacked."
I looked at Craig, letting some of my troubled thoughts show. "Apologies are well and good but they don't ... they don't do anything!" I shook my head. "If they aren't backed by a sincere attempt to make a change, they are not worth the breath it takes to make them."
I glanced around at Dr. Monaghan, then Joe, and ended meeting Craig's gaze again. "I would like to leave now. Please."
Craig nodded grimly. "All right." He seemed much older than the affable young man I'd met in class ... was it only a six weeks ago? He stepped in front of Joe and jerked his head toward the door. "Come on. I'll escort you out."
My backpack was over near Dr. Monaghan. Bracing myself, I went over to retrieve it. He reached out a hand, drawing it back when I flinched away. I retreated to the other end of the table and paused there, hugging my back to me like a shield, looking from him to Craig and back to him.
"Miss Farris ... Sarah ... I deeply regret that you were frightened here today," Dr. Monaghan said softly. "I hope that you will find the courage to return."
"I have to go now."
Craig had somehow moved Joe away from the door, opening a passage for me. I quickly hurried over and out, flashing a quick smile as I passed. The outer office was still empty, although Craig followed me out, watching me leave. As I approached Mrs. Logan's desk, I smelled something nasty. Foetid. A dead mouse, perhaps. Nothing big, anyway, and I forgot about it as soon as I passed out of range.
In the hallway, I heard voices, saw Mrs. Logan and the woman Justine. I turned the other way and took the fire stairs.
Maybe I should have told them about the vision I'd had, the message from the old man in the cathedral. It would have led to more questions. For people who study inntinn-eòlas ... parasciences ... they didn't seem to understand as much as I thought they would. I don't have much facility for roimh-eòlas, knowing what is to come, but the feeling was growing within me that they needed me. Needed my training. More than I needed them.
But not now. I was at the end of my resources. I needed food. Energy. Sleep. I paused in the stairwell, holding tight to the handrail as I swayed, eyes closed. Sleep. I just had to hold it together until I got home. Maybe when I woke again, I'd be braver.
