"I don't remember growing older ..."

My niece just became a grandmother for the third time.

The third time.

A grandmother.

That makes my sister - 15 months older than I - a GREAT-grandmother. For the third time.

My son is six years younger than my niece, he's celebrating his second wedding anniversary this summer.

Okay, to be fair, my niece is also celebrating her second wedding anniversary this year, so that doesn't really signify.

I don't know how I feel about this. My sister is only 15 months older than I am. Great-grandmother is old. This news forces me to acknowledge the number of years I've been alive on this earth but ... I don't want to "act my age". What does it mean to "act my age" anyway when women my age and older are getting botoxed and suctioned and sculpted and wearing clothing that prostitutes would once have found extreme?

I don't feel old. I do yoga for pain management and to keep flexible and it works. I'm in less pain now than I was in my mid-30s. I do feel experienced. Knowledgeable. (that word looks wrong) Mature and ... okay, sometimes I even feel wise ("but it's wisdom born of pain"). I take pride in my years - I grew up with the expectation that I would die before I reached 20. I flaunt my silver hair because I never had "good hair" and besides, once you start dying, you can never stop. I'm not up for that sort of commitment to any beauty regime.

I guess that's the real reason I'm conflicted. I never bought into the whole 'I'm a woman, I have to look young and attractive and {insert rude word for how men react to any attractive woman}' deal. I never saw any reason to use make-up. I dress for comfort and to cover my body and these days, I mostly dress in a masculine style because it's easier. So growing older is just ... being alive longer. It's not a failure to me as a woman but a success as a person.

But it still makes me feel odd to know that my niece is a grandmother. For the third time.