Dream - very sad, very depressing
Sep. 10th, 2024 09:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
kimurhoI was a mother of three children, two boys and a girl. The girl was the middle child, one of the boys (Jeff) was very young. I had a husband - sweet, kind, gentle, loving (portrayed in the dream by Bob Newhart). I loved them all very much, but I was suffering from depression. Nothing mattered. I felt nothing. Life was too heavy. Too much. I couldn't handle it.
I abandoned them. I left.
(As the dreamer, I suspect that my dream-self was ...incarcerated? ... in a hospital for treatment, but that's not what I felt in the dream. They knew where I was, my husband definitely did. But I felt the guilt.)
Many years later, I was well enough to visit them. They had turned the home into a half-way house for troubled teenagers. My husband ... didn't really want to talk to me. The three children ... now adults ... showed me around, showing me all that he, and they, had accomplished.
Jeff was a joy. He was the heart of the family. Calm, giving, level-headed. A problem solver and full of cheer.
I had to leave because I was only there on a day-pass.
The next time I came to visit, they told me that Jeff was gone. He'd left a note saying that he was sorry. No ... saying that he felt the sorrow that each of us carried and he couldn't handle it any more. He had committed suicide.
Had he successfully hidden the same disorder that troubled me for all that time?
Had my return been the straw that broke the camel's act?
And where had this dream come from?
How can I dream so vividly the emotions and problems that I don't suffer/feel?
I abandoned them. I left.
(As the dreamer, I suspect that my dream-self was ...incarcerated? ... in a hospital for treatment, but that's not what I felt in the dream. They knew where I was, my husband definitely did. But I felt the guilt.)
Many years later, I was well enough to visit them. They had turned the home into a half-way house for troubled teenagers. My husband ... didn't really want to talk to me. The three children ... now adults ... showed me around, showing me all that he, and they, had accomplished.
Jeff was a joy. He was the heart of the family. Calm, giving, level-headed. A problem solver and full of cheer.
I had to leave because I was only there on a day-pass.
The next time I came to visit, they told me that Jeff was gone. He'd left a note saying that he was sorry. No ... saying that he felt the sorrow that each of us carried and he couldn't handle it any more. He had committed suicide.
Had he successfully hidden the same disorder that troubled me for all that time?
Had my return been the straw that broke the camel's act?
And where had this dream come from?
How can I dream so vividly the emotions and problems that I don't suffer/feel?
